Nowillbashi steps in to rescue our Turkmen brothers
In a shock move, our glorious leader has decided, benificently and courageously, to fill the power vacuum left by the untimely and tragic death of Sapamurat Niyazov, cuddly cute and shagtastic leader of Turkmenistan.
Turkmenbashi, before his meeting with the Reaper
The full text of Nowillbashis edict is reproduced here:
"MARTIAL LAW REGULATIONS AS OF 12 NOON,22.12.06. ......... ......... ......... ......... .BY ORDER
All non homosexuals will have to wear blue hats and visit post offices asking what the rate is for a small packet they have.
All cars to be crushed unless they are of type 'Lada'...or 'ZAZ' for women who need a slower car as they have fewer driving skills
Drivers of the Range Rover Sport required to have shootouts with Lada Niva drivers on 4WD courses,with losing car being crushed,afterwards.
Coffee bars to be replaced by Olive bars,but they will also sell giant sausages,and the national fruit is The Melon.
Today is Melon festival day from now on. A bank holiday,where all citizens light candles in front of my image.
My Tupolev 134 is wearing out so I now have ordered an executive jet of type Ilyushin 86
January 1st is the start of hunting season.....for cat and dog,but all kills must be passed to the nationalised sausage kombinat for processing.
Hail me!
Hail Democratic Socialism!
Altyn Asyr TURKMENISTAN
Happy Melon day!
Nowillbashi the magnificent."
The Independentandgloriousrepublic salutes our heroic leader, and hopes that this show of solidarity with our Turkmen 2nd cousins will deter the imperialist vultures from descending on the plucky nation we love so dearly. The suggestion that Nowillistan is looking for a gas supply deal to assist in heating the Palace of Nowillbashi is an evil rumour, but of course we would not be so rude as to turn down Turkmen generosity at this distressing and wail-inducing time.
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