The mighty Nowillbashi, oh how my fingers tremble as I write this.

A man, no, a colossus, who's empire stretches from the great port of Nowillbashi (formerly Plymouth) in the west, to the metropolis of Exeterbad, exultant as the hub of a proud nation, then stretching to a field 'somewhere in Devon' to the east. Our mighty and glorious ruler, a poet and author, a visionary who has lead disciples to foreign lands over 3 continents, spreading the glory that is the crap-car way of life.

Born in a year of great portents, when the moon was eclipsed by the earth on numerous occasions, when the continents shifted, and rains fell on all the earth (except the dry bits) the man known as Julian soon made his way to the top of his profession (something to do with money). However, a vision came to him of the proud past and future of the crap-car-mens, who for too long had been under the yoke of the yearly new registration sales boom.

 Expressing his philosophy in book form, soon disciples gathered to his side, and the multitude soon needed to express their crap-car-ness in an open and exulted way. The leading of the 50 to the verdant shores of the Gambia has gone down in crap-car fokelore, as by great love, determination and 20W50 Nowillbashi and his followers blazed a gaffer-tape strewn trail across continents. This pilgrimage was soon to be repeated, and now forms a permanent place in the calendar of the crap-car-men.

 This would be enough for most mere humans, but the delectable Nowillbashi is so much more than a collection of minerals and water organised by DNA. The continent of Asia, with its wandering herds of Volgas and Zaprohets, and 76 octane 'petrol', formed the focus for our mighty leader next, when a new pilgrimage set off, through snow, rain, and other stuff, across Europe and the gateway of Constantinople, and into Asia. Triumphal, the leader of the crap-car peoples lead his followers through the shrines of crap-car-ness which are the former Soviet Republics. Long may he rule over the crap-car peoples.

Nowillbashi is seen here speaking to his people at the annual Nowillistan National Festival, held at the Nowillistan Olympic Cowshed.